Handicaps

2021 Handicap Requests

Enter the handicap wanted (and a legitimate reason) and the Handicapping Committee will decide.

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Current Handicaps

Player 2013 2014 2015 2016 2017 2018 2019 2020 2021
Jude Nude Minor 36 36 36 36 36 36 36 36 36
JK Jon Kelleher 36 36 36
Bruce Brice Gawn 36 36 36 36 36 36 36 36
Brad Housegate 36 36
Bruce Paul Walkingtotown 34 34 34 35 35
Steve Steve McSofty 35 35 35 35 35 35 35
Peter Tom Burgezz 32 31 32 32 32 32 33 34 34
Milli Mick Nillichip 33 33 33 33 34 34 34 34 34
Murf Jon Wavish 31 31 31 31 33 33
Danger Darren Stalone 33 32 33 33 33 33 33 33 33
Hux Alain Hunks 36 36 36 31 31 31 31 31 31
Murf Danny Muftit 29 29 29 29 29 29 29 30 30
Smithy Mike Smyth 30 30 30
Stokesy Juan Stokes 31 31 31 33 33 34 34 29 29
Mal Malachy Sickman 29 29 29 29 29 29 29 29
Drew Drewe Meetz 25 25 25 25 27 28 28 28 28
Fraser Netherlands 32 32 27 27 27 27 27 27 27
Blackarse Dean Brownwell 26 26 26 26 26 26 26 26 26
Mark Would 25 25 25
Deane Sure 25 25 25 25 25 25 25 25 25
Sig Simon Chur 25 25 25 25 25 25 25 25 25
Dooce Ricardo Do Sea 25 25 25 25 25 25 25 25 25
Raymon Don Sure 26 26 27 27 29 29 24 24 24
David Woodward 24 24 24 24 24 24 24
Harry Harry Bonding 28 23 23 23 23 23 23 23 23
Sonof Simon Treemane 27 27 27 28 28 23 23 23 23
Tupes Chris Twopooh 22 22 22 22 22
JJ Mark Gemstone 21 21 21 22 22 24 24 25 20
Ali Fabio Rossini 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19
Sid Sid Oruk 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19
Bollocks Myke Bollok 23 23 23 23 23 18 18 18 18
Oose Jon Loveritch 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18
Henry Gate 18 18 18
Juan Cooper 18 18
Khris Wagstaff 17 17 17 17 17 17 17 17
Horse Shaun Horsly 17 17 17 17 17 17 17 17 17
Peter Peta Hunt 9 9 9 9 9 10 10 9 9
Gazz Barry Trail 12 12 12 9 9 9 9 9
Jon Wickstrum 9 9 9 9 9
Lawsy Mark Lawless 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9
Steve Steve Humpherdinck 3 3

2020 – Magpies swoop handicap awards

The greatest team ever to play in the Johnny Woodpecker just became even stronger with awards going to three players, 2020 odds on favourite Mark Gemstone, second favourite Tom Burgezz and Paul Walkingtotown.

Jon Wavish from the Swans was the other player to win an award. 

LastHasWantMagpiesHawxFalconsSwansOutcome
Jon Wavish313636 –  Good with me.33 for Wavish. He needs them. 313333
Henry Gate182218 – No18 for Henry- he has an official handicap 181818
Porl Walkingtown343636 – Def yes. will not make any difference.35 for Walkingtotown he has struggled on 34343535
Tom Burgezz333636 – defoNothing for Burgezz as he got a point last year and squandered it by not playing well. Try harder and practice like we all have to. 343434
Mark Would252927 can have0 for Would. Newbie. Get a few more tournaments  in. 252525
Mark Gemstone242626 Conflict of interest …but why not. He’s a fkn trier this guy0 for Gemstone. Are you kidding! Best player in the circuit just need to stopping choking. 2525 he’s got to farkin win it!25
Mike Smyth303230 – No can be a good golfer32 for Smyth. He’s no threat to anyone and waited very patiently on the side. 303030
Chris Twopooh223122  Very doubtful …in fact NO.24 for Twopooh. Has shown his dedication with this his 4th pecker and never played to his handicap. 222222
Brad Housegate364036N/A 36 is max363636
Name Last Current Wants Reason for handicap
Jón Wavish 31 36 Highest placing 17th and always at the back of the pack
Tom Burgezz 33 36 5 x good reasons: John Kelleher, Bruce Gawn, Jude Minor, Lawrence Malofie, Brad Gatehouse,
Mike Smyth 30 32 I am an anxious individual at the best of times and playing in amongst A type personalities heightens that anxiety. It is obviously a disorder that is only now becoming more accepted and embraced by the younger generation and used everyday for such things as reasons to not compete, not sit exams, spend time on their own in rooms with devices and above all else to have multiple partners in order to save the disappointment of missing out. I suffer Sudden Anxiety Disorder (SAD) and therefore ask for relief. Smithy
Porl Walkingtown 34 36 Never ever play golf except at the woodpecker. Drink piss for practice. Don’t post hardcore sick porn on what’s app.
Chris Twopooh 22 31 Your forth woodpecker and still cruelly stuck on 22.  After 3 tournaments it’s obvious I need a more appropriate handicap of 31 as the last woodpecker stats have me +4,+16,+3 of which the median is +9.   The Hawx have only one player that can get any handicap increase and it is deserved for 2020.  If you don’t give it to me I’ll call the committee racist.
Henry Gate 18 22 Because I’m not that good, and give me a break – it’s been a while since I’ve been on tour and played. 18 is a long echo from a very, very distant past.   Cheers DH
Mark Would 25 29 Play off a 29 at The Raymond Tidy and have to do a jug to boot
Mark Gemstone 24 26 Honourable Committee – it pains me to have to write and request this of you however to situation is such and the evidence hard to refute. Handicap at Tome of Winning: Messer’s Tremain, Bonding, Woodard 28 Mr Stokes 34  All very capable players but fkn buglers nonetheless …I wanted to stick to my integrity and honour and when/if I win, win with class golf alone. However, it appears this is not possible anymore. Just give us a couple more shots and I will TRY and get the fkn job done!!  PS played biz house golf last week playing of a 13 (nine-hole handicap) and scored 13 points …do the math, not good.  Have a good day gentleman. Yours in golf, senor jj
Brad Housegate 36 40 Can I go higher than 36? Because I am shit at golf as reflected by my 2014 results – bottom of card day one and second to bottom behind J.Minor on Day 2. Also have a dodgy leg but I’m not one to blame my equipment. Otherwise 36 it is…